Latest Best Hindi Hinglish Funniest One Liner Facebook Whatsapp Jokes Chutkule

Santa Banta Jokes संता बंता जोक्स हमेशा सुने और सुनाये जाते हैं. उम्मीद है कि आपको भी Santa Banta Jokes संता बंता जोक्स पसंद आते होंगे. यहाँ हम ढेर सारे जोक्स दे रहे हैं रोमन और देवनागरी में. हंसिये, हंसाइये .

मरते हुए पुरूष ने अपनी पत्नी को अपने पास बुलाया और धीमें से बोला-
सावित्री, मेरे मरने पर दुकान मोहन के सुपुर्द कर देना।
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पत्नी (पति से) – मोहन! उससे अच्छी तो मुकेश दुकान चलायेगा।
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पति ने बात मान ली। ‘अच्छा, अच्छा। राम को मेरी कार दे देना।‘
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पत्नी ने फिर सलाह दी- पर मेरे ख्याल में कार संजीव के पिता को चाहिए
उन्हें रोजाना सात मील दूर काम परजाना पड़ता है।
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पति – चलो, कार संजीव के पिताजी को ही दे देना, लेकिन मेरा यह
मकान महेश को दे देना।
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इस पर पत्नी बोली- महेश को तो यह शहर पसंद ही नहीं है, मेरे विचार
में……….
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पति से अब नहीं रहा गया। वह दर्द से कराहा और बोला –
सावित्री! एक बात बताओ,
*मर कौन रहा है – मैं या तुम?*

Latest Best Hindi Hinglish Funniest One Liner Facebook Whatsapp Jokes Chutkule Are so Popular

शिक्षक:- रावण के पास ऐसी कौनसी कला थी जो दूसरे किसी के पास नही थी ?

पप्पू :- वो अकेला ही सामूहिक गीत गा सकता था…😜

*शिक्षक वनवास के लिए निकल गए*
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पप्पू से याद आया
राहुल बाबा का सवाल।
केजरीवाल “LG” के कार्यालय में ही क्यों धरना दे रहे हैैं;
“सोनी” या “सेमसंग” के कार्यालय में क्यों नहीं ?
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मैं जंगल में था तभी मैंने झाड़ी के पीछे से एक आवाज़ सुनीI जैसे ही मैंने मुड़ के देखा, वहां एक बहुत बड़ा शेर था। वो अपने नाख़ून सहला रहा था और मुझे देख के मुस्कुरा रहा था। अचानक एक भयानक दहाड़ मार कर वो मुझ पर झपटा। मैंने पूरी ताक़त से दौड़ना शुरू कर दिया। शेर ज्यादा पीछे नहीं था। वो मेरी गर्दन दबोचने ही वाला था की वो अचानक फिसला और मैं थोड़ा आगे निकल गया।”

“शेर फिर मेरे पीछे लग गया। वो फिर मेरे पास आने ही वाला था की अचानक वो फिर फिसला और मैं फिर आगे निकल गया। तभी मुझे कुछ दूर पर एक घर दिखा। मैंने उस घर की तरफ दौड़ना शुरू कर दिया। शेर अब भी मेरे पीछे था। वो फिर मेरे एकदम पास आ गया। वह मुझे पकड़ने ही वाला था की वो तीसरी बार फिसला।”

“अपनी बची खुची ताक़त बटोर कर मैं घर के अन्दर भागा और शेर के मुंह पर दरवाज़ा बंद कर दिया।”

Billu : “वाह यार, मान गया तुझे। मैं तेरी जगह होता तो मेरी तो potty निकल जाती “
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Pappu : पागल, तो शेर फिसल किस चीज़ पर रहा था ???”
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This is ultimate for all drunkards.

A cop stops a drunk man and asks “how high are you?”

The drunk man replies. “That is wrong English. You should say ‘Hi how are you?’
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Santa ne ek maachis ki tili jalai woh nahin jali,
doosri jalai who bhi nahin jali,teesri jalai to wo jal gayi,
santa ne use jaldi se bujha diya aur aur bola,
“mere kaam ki hai,ise rakh leta hoon.”
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Santa:-meri dictionary main namumkin shabd nahin hai.
Banta:-are yaar dictionary kharidne se pahle check kar lena chahiye na.
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Santa:-are yaar banta tere daant kaise toot gaye?
Banta:-hasne ke karan.
Santa:-who kaise?
Banta:-are yaar main ek pehalwan ko dekh kar han pada.

Santa Banta Jokes Hindi
Santa apni girl friend ko ‘I Luv U’ kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.
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Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
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Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto.
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’?
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Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
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santa banta jokes in hindi

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
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Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi…
Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
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Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
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Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
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Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
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Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.

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Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
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Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
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A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
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At the scene of an accident, a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
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In an interview:

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…
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Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated…
He drank poison & said: Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
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Captain of Military: Naujawano, aage bado…
(Santa aage nahin bada)
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha…
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Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bada afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.
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Santa apni khoobsurat Bivi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bivi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!
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Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
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Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: King Ashoka’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Ashoka”s skeleton when he was child
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Napoleon: There is no such word as ‘Impossible’ in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi …!
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Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
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Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
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Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: ‘Le Karle Number Note’
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Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
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Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo. Maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
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Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
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Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
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Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: ‘Free Delivery’
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In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped – paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar… NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
Santa Banta SMS, Santa Banta Hindi SMS, 151 Characters
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.
Santa Banta SMS, Santa Banta Hindi SMS, 109 Characters
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai “aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12”.

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..

Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?

Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai “aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12”.

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..

Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to…?

Santa’s urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, “you are pregnant”.
Angry santa shouts at wife, “Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de”.

Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.

Santa was inserting dog’s tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.

Santa: “Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?”
Banta: “B.A.”
Santa: “Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?”

Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.

Jab dosti ki dastan waqt sunayega,
Tumko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega,
Tab bhool jayenge zindgi ke gam ko,
Jab apke sath guzara samay yaad ayega.

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja…

Funny Joke In Hindi Santa Banta
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!